Run Baby Run..baby run....
It's been a while since I last blogged. Reason? No particular ones. I just don't feel like myself lately. I get angry & pissed easily & I do know I pissed some people too. PMS u say? Well partly coz I'm having one right now but I know that is just an excuse.
Those who used to be close to me have noticed & are questioning this drastic change. I'm just not my bubbly self anymore. Some came up to me if they have done anything wrong to me coz I seem not to be on talking terms with them anymore.
Some even say I've become sombong and that I'm a "Pembodek Haram"(just bcoz). And I know people at work/friends are gossiping about me.
Well, I do not care what others say or think about me as of now. They do not know what I'm thinking and they definitely have no idea why I'm acting as such. They can say what they want,think what they want as long as they do not cross over the line.
But let me apologize to those who think that they have done me wrong. To clear the air, no one did anything wrong. Period.
There are so many things in my mind right now. I just do not know where to begin. I just feel like life is empty. I may be smiling but the things kept inside is welling up almost to the brim. I can just burst out/breakdown anytime. Well I did broke down a few nights ago. Thank u dear friend who listen to my woes. I was lucky to see that u were online. I just do not know who else to talk to.
I miss my best friends,Diana and Razmy and also Cik Idah. But now everyone has their own lives to lead to. All have families to attend to. Though I know I just can dial their number but I do not think it's wise of me to do that.
Life is not like what it used to be anymore. If only time could freeze. If only everything is carefree. No worries, no problems, no heartaches. Just plain simple. Wishful thinking,u say?
I know some may say,"It's how u make ur life fulfilling. It's all in your hands. U control your life."
Well..it's easier said than done. Like a friend told me "Kita peh susah mana orang tau." I totally agree wif that.
I'm not as happy as I used to be. Don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong wif my marriage. The only thing that has gone way wrong is ME! ME!!
As I've said earlier, I have never felt this empty before. I just feel like going away...far away where I can recollect my thoughts & rediscover myself. Major soul searching. Yes, I know I can't run away from my problems but @ least I will have a new direction in Life.
I have even made a decision to go away in the next few months but I can't make that selfish decision. I will not be fair to my other half. Is fairness part of the sacrifice I need to make so that others will be happy and not feel hurt?
I do not know. If my mind's not rationale, I will just pick up my bags and just GO.
God, please help me,your humble servant,lead to the right path. Show me why I am feeling this way. Tell me why I am in such a state. What did I do to deserve this? Is there any other choices?
God,please hear to my cries as I could not take it anymore.
Kawan ketawa ramai but kawan menangis is hard to find.
Those who used to be close to me have noticed & are questioning this drastic change. I'm just not my bubbly self anymore. Some came up to me if they have done anything wrong to me coz I seem not to be on talking terms with them anymore.
Some even say I've become sombong and that I'm a "Pembodek Haram"(just bcoz). And I know people at work/friends are gossiping about me.
Well, I do not care what others say or think about me as of now. They do not know what I'm thinking and they definitely have no idea why I'm acting as such. They can say what they want,think what they want as long as they do not cross over the line.
But let me apologize to those who think that they have done me wrong. To clear the air, no one did anything wrong. Period.
There are so many things in my mind right now. I just do not know where to begin. I just feel like life is empty. I may be smiling but the things kept inside is welling up almost to the brim. I can just burst out/breakdown anytime. Well I did broke down a few nights ago. Thank u dear friend who listen to my woes. I was lucky to see that u were online. I just do not know who else to talk to.
I miss my best friends,Diana and Razmy and also Cik Idah. But now everyone has their own lives to lead to. All have families to attend to. Though I know I just can dial their number but I do not think it's wise of me to do that.
Life is not like what it used to be anymore. If only time could freeze. If only everything is carefree. No worries, no problems, no heartaches. Just plain simple. Wishful thinking,u say?
I know some may say,"It's how u make ur life fulfilling. It's all in your hands. U control your life."
Well..it's easier said than done. Like a friend told me "Kita peh susah mana orang tau." I totally agree wif that.
I'm not as happy as I used to be. Don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong wif my marriage. The only thing that has gone way wrong is ME! ME!!
As I've said earlier, I have never felt this empty before. I just feel like going away...far away where I can recollect my thoughts & rediscover myself. Major soul searching. Yes, I know I can't run away from my problems but @ least I will have a new direction in Life.
I have even made a decision to go away in the next few months but I can't make that selfish decision. I will not be fair to my other half. Is fairness part of the sacrifice I need to make so that others will be happy and not feel hurt?
I do not know. If my mind's not rationale, I will just pick up my bags and just GO.
God, please help me,your humble servant,lead to the right path. Show me why I am feeling this way. Tell me why I am in such a state. What did I do to deserve this? Is there any other choices?
God,please hear to my cries as I could not take it anymore.
Kawan ketawa ramai but kawan menangis is hard to find.
